Born September 7, 2000. Named Samantha Anne Croll. About a quarter Filipino, 75% a plethora of white and native american. I’m from a household of 5 and I’m the eldest of three girls who all look very different, but at the same time are tied together with similar features. My oldest sister, who is about two years younger than me, is a lot darker than me so we exaggerate and say we’re half white and filipino to clear any questions about why we’re two completely different colors because yes, we came from the same parents and no, my mom didn’t have an affair. People would bring it up all the time and it made us, especially her, incredibly uncomfortable when people would assume she’s some bastard child.
She’s not the only family member of mine who looks completely different from me. I have three cousins whom are half black, three other cousins who are half mexican, a small asian grandmother, and a ton of cousins who are both full asian or white. If you look at family photos, you’d probably never guess we were all blood related and most don’t. Being exposed to all of their different cultures though has definitely shaped me. Not just all the different traditions, holidays, and celebrations, but their different morals, religions, and upbringings. I’m incredibly close with the majority of my cousins, a lot of us are really good friends rather than just family and when we all come together it’s really... interesting, to say the least. Another thing i feel makes up my identity a lot is my religious status. In my house, religion was vague and talk of God was rare but my mom was raised catholic and she bought me my first Bible when I was 5. It was a children’s bible with short verses and lots of pictures but it made me so interested in God, I believed in him so much and i prayed all the time. Later, when i was 8, one of my aunts took me to church for the first time. It was a small christian church and i was so excited, i got all dressed up like i’d seen the kids at the catholic church down the street dressed, but when i arrived everyone else was dressed in super casual clothes and instead of any bible study or anything, the kids were let to play while we waited for our parents. The next sunday my Aunt took me to a different Christian church where we spent learning bible verses and praying and such. I spent the next 3 years at this church before i began to grow a more cynical view on the world and i lost my faith. I’m now very Atheist with little hope for a God. That could also be a big part of my identity; I’m not an optimistic child anymore but i wouldn’t say i’m very pessimistic either. I’d call myself a realist and realistically to me, an ominent man in the sky that created and controls the whole world doesn't seem too plausible. And even if it were what kind of being would be twisted enough to create and allow the atrocities that take place daily? Anyways, but my “realistic” view on life tends to lead me not to sugar coat things. I say it how it is because watering it down isn’t going to help anyone. This ideology was probably instilled in me also by my family, an abrasive and brash crowd who unapologetically say what’s on their mind. It’s not the nicest way to do things but it’s probably one of the best because we’re completely honest with ourselves.
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